Something To Be Aware Of

Where to begin...

When I joined Transcendents.. it was a lot like Chaotic. Smaller, yes, but similarly loud and very friendly. Our guild leader at the time, all of you know Shin, always was something of an enigma to me. It surely didn't help that he had a very soft and quiet personality, but there was something more. He was the Guild Leader. The Chairperson. He was one of the highest levels at the time (remember, this was over a year ago), and those few times we had guild meetings, he did command respect. He ran a more or less tight ship. Over time, as I got to know people, I figured out who his circle of friends were. They were all high level and high ranking guild-wise. I slowly got to know him more. I took more active parts in the guild, got elected to Branch Head, all that good stuff. Yet still, after all those months, Shin was still something of a mystery. It felt like I couldn't get near him, couldn't touch him.. then, all of a sudden, he was gone.

The guild was in an uproar, I tell you. I wasn't privy to the entire story of his leaving.. no one really sat down and told me or explained everything.. I poked around (those of you who know me know that I have a magic finger) and eventually pieced it together. Turns out, in the beginning, Shin was elected as guild leader out of the six founding members... yet, he didn't want it. He didn't want to handle the authority even though he was fair and just. At first I thought, wow, yeah, neither would I.. all that stress.. having to juggle everything.. that's rough. But I soon learned the truth. The stress wasn't the hard part.

.. the hard part was being separated from your friends.

It came crashing down on me like a lead weight. His tight circle of friends.. his quietness.. his sudden abandonment.. I felt guilty, because I realized at that moment that I treated him the very way he did not want to be treated.

I treated him like a Guild Leader.

I looked up to him, I looked to him for guidance and support. I can ashamedly say that I even expected it, when I didn't know better. I couldn't even imagine how badly it must have felt, having to be an idol for nearly four dozen people. He quit because he wanted to have friends. He eventually did come back, and I think things did start to improve... but not enough it would seem, because he quit again. He did come back again though.. but this time.. there was a new Chairperson. Yours truly.

You all know by now the rest of the story. Drama sprouted and tore the guild apart, most everyone quit, those who didn't stayed a bit but ended up getting bored with the silence. I don't blame them, it's been getting to me too lately. But for those few weeks when I was Chair, and.. you know, even the eight or nine months since then, I've understood Shin and why he left twice. Even though Transcendents was reduced to rubble, those few members who left still treated me like a Guild Leader. And let me tell you.. there is no more hurtful feeling in this world than sacrificing yourself for the betterment of the ones you love most.. and having them treat you with fear, mistrust, distain, resentment or just plain silence. I'll never forget when Yangus asked to take a few materials out of the guild bank to make armour... this was many months after everyone had left.. he still felt as though he needed to ask. It didn't matter how hard I tried. He still felt that he needed to ask. It was then that I knew... it was my title, not my personality, that defined their intimidation... and everyone's intimidation for Shin when he was Chairperson..

... and your intimidation for Mjrn.

Imagine, every time you administer a punishment, every time you call someone on foul language or rudeness, every time you tell people that, in order to have what they want, they need to sacrifice.. imagine that everything, all the problems, all the issues.. all lead back to you. Now imagine knowing that. Imagine knowing what you will have to do in the future. Imagine knowing that you will have to make demands that you don't want to make. Imagine knowing that you will have to hurt those people that you care about because you want something that's great for all of them to share.

Imagine.. one person who you used to talk to.. who you had a wonderful time with.. imagine they made a mistake, and you had to become a Chairperson, putting your friendship with them aside for the good of the guild. ... imagine what it must feel like.. for them to stop talking to you.. out of fear of your wrath. Imagine.. the pain you must feel.. knowing that you had to hurt someone you cared about.. and that everything changed from that moment on.. imagine seeing that person talk to your friends, asking them to party and play, and ignoring you.

Imagine that happening to sixty people who you once called "friend".

...

Now imagine you're one of the sixty.

You are.